Reber Review Episode 5 Pic
I started writing this topic whilst I was overseas, and I am so glad I did as the timing of it in my club at the moment is perfect.

I’ve just come back from our annual training trip in Thailand with the Bob Jones Martial Arts Annual Muay Thai training trip.  It was my second tour, and I am going to work my hardest to make it an annual pilgrimage and take my family.  Besides the whole ‘getting to learn a Martial Arts’ direct from the source and some of the best exponents of it here’s one of the major factors why I love Thailand and would move over there tomorrow if I could.

THEY…… JUST….. GET….. ON…. WITH…. IT….

They ACCEPT people (not judge – ACCEPT), they are friendly to everyone, they focus on what they have, not what they don’t have, they respect everyone, they let things just brush off and they just get on with their own lives..  If they have a problem, they don’t dwell on it, they just fix it…  DONE….

It’s just so bloody simple over there – I love it.  We as a western society get so caught up in the bullshit too much….  We can’t see the forest for the trees.  Why are we like this?

In Thailand I have not seen one fight (other than the Muay Thai fights), one road rage, one argument on the street, and the scope of rules and regulations is so much less than us.  This is because they focus on just getting on with it…. Of course I am sure there are still incidents, but the scope I believe would be far less than us.

I would also love to see any stats on mental health issues.  I believe that there would be significantly less than us.  Again, they pass no judgement or get tangled up wasting time on things that are not their concern or out of their control.

So there is the lead in for this one.  This topic has been on my mind for a long time, and I wrestle with it too.  Again, none of these blogs I write are ever personal attacks on anyone (in this case it would be me then that was judging wouldn’t it?), they are instead observations of human behavior, life, and 40 odd years of living in the world and seeing some pretty interesting things.

Everybody has a story don’t they?  If that be the case, why are we sometimes so quick to accuse people of doing the wrong thing, not doing enough, doing too much, being a bad person, too fat, too thin, train too much, don’t train enough etc etc??

Essentially I think this is why. Because someone doesn’t do something the way we would do it or believe it should be done.  Straight away we have the belief that it’s WRONG, and then we tell people, and then we focus our energy on all negative.

Do we have the right to accuse somebody like this if we have most of the time absolutely NO IDEA as to why they have made the decision to take that course of action?  Does it make us any better if we are continually passing opinions on people and accusing them of being a lesser person?  What do we exactly achieve by doing this?  Absolutely nothing.

I’ve done it too.  As a coach I have to constantly make assessments on students, and yes – I have formed opinions on people without knowing the facts.  This is very important.  ONLY DEAL WITH FACTS.  Here say is a horrible thing.  If you didn’t hear it or see it then did it happen? “I heard” or “apparently” are evil lead ins.  I’ve then passed this opinion onto other people without facts, and they have then formed an opinion based on my opinion, and the cancer starts to spread.  It’s a terrible and callus thing to do, and one I am ashamed of, and I am making every step to never do it again.

That doesn’t mean I’m getting soft.  It means that I am coaching people and respecting at the same time their own journey, but still pushing them to find what they can truly do.  Having said that, if they don’t want to see what they can do, and want to butt heads with me or resist my advice, their achievements will be totally based on the decisions they made, not me.  I get told by my wife whenever I vent my frustration to her, that not everyone is going to be as passionate about training as I will be, and she is right.  It’s  O……….K……..

This is my biggest issue with forming opinions and “judging” (not accepting) people……..  We almost NEVER say how we feel to the person’s face, but instead, our body language, mannerisms, tone when we speak to them and a host of other traits show how we may be feeling, and this then becomes the beginning of a crumbling friendship because it’s so much easier to tell somebody else, then have a grown up conversation and speak to that person in question.

Now here is the powerful thing you need to think about the next time you “bag” somebody to someone else…. This was said to me once by someone and I now think about it all the time.

“People who are constantly criticizing other people and their actions only do this to draw people’s attention off their own issues”.

Are you that guy???

Let’s fix our own problems…  How much time do you waste doing this and “bitching”.

This is the most important factor you need to think of.  And the greater majority of you will say you are not.  But ask someone close to you how much you discuss other people as opposed to your own issues.  You are going to get a shock – trust me.

I did a very interesting exercise in one of my classes on my return from Thailand, and it was based on this entire concept. It opened a little bit of a Pandora’s box with some people, and I think that’s great.  It’s been a  catalyst for people to have discussions, question others AND themselves, and forced them to take a long hard look at the big picture.  Sometimes we just have to get on with it, and ACCEPT that there are people out there that think differently to us, that have different agendas and do things in a way we would never do them, and that is totally bloody fine. We ACCEPT that and get on with it.  I’m so glad I did that exercise, as I can already feel how much it has helped our club, and put the vibe back through the roof.

I’ve mentioned the concept of time before, and how these days it is so important to me.  This moment you will never get back.  We meet with friends, family and people so dear to us, and spend most of that time with them often “bitching”.  If you never see that person again, welcome to the last conversation you ever had with them.  That’s a pretty full on thought, but it’s true.

On the flipside……  Don’t deny yourself experiences due to nothing more but the FEAR of being judged.  Laugh at yourself, try new experiences, treat every day like a new chance.  Sometimes we don’t choose what we do with our lives, our destiny chooses us.  I’m a big believer in that idea.  Go with the flow, if there is a problem, don’t dwell, instead FIX.  Your true friends will NOT judge you, they will support you and ACCEPT YOU – no matter what the outcome, and if they have a problem with what you have done, listen to them, for they may show you a side you have not seen.

That’s what mates do.

#cma4life